a little relief

This afternoon Lucy received her first dose of H1N1 vaccine.  Whew.  I didn't debate about this vaccine at all.  OK, I have fears about vaccine related injury and illness, I do... I delayed vax Lucy and had her titers checked so as to not unnecessarily revaccinate her for anything she had immunity to from her time in Ethiopia.  I am a careful vaccinator but a vaccinator nonetheless. 

Another confession:
I fear that my child might die.  Yup. I think about it a lot. Don't know why .. be it from the grapes, a car accident, adenoid/tonsil surgery I worry.  I worry a lot.  She had a lot of respiratory issues starting in Ethiopia.  The day after we got home from Ethiopia she started getting a fever, which didn't go away which ultimately had her dx'd with RSV which led to the asthma.   She had sinus infection on top of sinus infection and from my monitor (that i still have)  I could hear her snoring snoring snoring ... silence, dreadful silence dreadful silence (i sit up in bed, i start toward her door) then GASP, turn snore snore snore ... for YEARS.  Haven't heard that since the tonsils came out.

Still I fear.  I fear the H1N1.  I fear she'll be one of those that gets hit hard.  So now, just a week or so until some immunity kicks in ... and hopefully in a month we'll be able to find a 2nd dose for her.  Now to find me some vaccine so I don't leave her orphaned again (another fear). 

Do I have anxiety issues???