sleeping

I really believe that trauma in infancy is recorded. I believe that Lucy was traumatized as an infant, and that the stress of her placement ... her time in the orphanage ... and the stress of transitioning to her new family in a new environment will be something that she carries in her body and brain for life. I don't think she'll be a "victim" of this ... I just believe that as she goes through ages and stages, her grief might come out in different ways then a child who has not experienced these challenges. She was sick as a baby in the orphanage, and sick once again as a baby just a few days after she came home with me ... sick a lot the first year and a half. I think her body was reacting normally in many ways to the germs etc BUT I also think the early stresses on her emotional self caused her physical self to have less of a "fight" left.... don't get me wrong, she's a STRONG resilient girl and she has a brilliant future ahead of her one in which she will use her power to fight all sorts of battles. I saw in her eyes in the moments coming out of surgery the same fear and confusion as I saw in her referral photos. It's a wonderful gift to know your child and to feel that her fears and reactions are mostly normal for her age but sometimes there is a twist that speaks to "working out" some past hurt. My friend S picked up this sense that Lucy has a "deeper self" then we know while looking at a photo of her from Ethiopia ... a wise baby. I believe that Lucy and S have a strong spiritual connection, for one obvious reason (that they share opposite ends of an adoption experience) but also for reasons that we don't fully know the why ... we just know the is ... I hope that Lucy has many many strong people in her life like S, to help her and guide her through her many life stages.

here are some sleeping photos of my sweet girl.