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My job that was emotionally hard before has become nearly impossible. I am a social worker working with at risk families (home visits, case management etc). Having a child didn't exactly make it easier to understand why people do what they do to their kids, don't get me wrong, there have been many times where I have been exhausted, frustrated, "at my wits end" and during those times I get a glimpse into the "how it happens" but but but ... mostly I have lost my patience with the child abusers and child neglecters. Seriously I hurt so much more now thinking about these kids. I see how sensitive Lucy is, and how she is learning about the world through me and how I respond to her etc. This is definately a rambling post. It's Friday, it's been a long week, I want to curl up in a ball and try to push the feelings out of my whole soul. I can't wait to hug and kiss Lucy and to promise her that I will keep her safe and that I will do my best to make her world peaceful, loving, patient and gentle. To the little guys and girls who don't have this world, I love you ... I am trying.
1 comment:
Oh Stacy, I can tell how emotionally drained you are just by reading your words.
I'm a social worker too (though I haven't worked in the field in a while), but there's nothing harder than trying to empathize with people whose decisions and actions (especially toward those they claim to love) are so far beyond your realm of comprehension.
It's hard to be the receptacle of all the negative energy of your clients. It's hard to give all day long, and then go home to the one(s) you actually want to give the most to feeling completely drained. It's hard for me to accept the realization that I may not actually be able to save the whole world. But I rest a little bit easier knowing that I am changing the world one child at a time.
I hope that you and Lucy have a fantastic weekend. Love on that little girl like there's no tomorrow! And don't feel bad taking a little time for yourself too!
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