We're outta here ...

We are going on another adventure. Tomorrow we leave for near-Canada. Sounds exotic huh? We'll be staying in a real cabin with electricity and running water!!! It'll be a long drive but Lucy and I will just be along for the ride ... Scott will be doing all the driving and hopefully Lucy and I will do all the sleeping. Tonight was the 2nd night in a row that Lucy went down without a hitch. I hope 3 nights away will not screw it up! Wish us sunny days and cool nights.

Good-bye our Sassy

Today we sadly said goodbye to our old friend Sassy the dog. She was feeling pretty darn crummy ... Now I am feeling pretty darn crummy.

New Baby

This whole bring a new baby into your kids life through a friend works out very well. I get to be around a baby again ... Lucy gets to experience a "sibling of sorts" and I don't have to do any of the middle of the night care etc. Also Lucy can love Morgan because she still gets her mommy and Morgan has his own and at the end of the day we all go our separate ways. Everyone wins (although I would be happy to see even more of Morgan and Mel!!!). Mel and Morgan came for a day long visit on Sunday. It was a super fun day. Lucy mostly loved Morgan but as you'll see in one photo, she really needed to see for her self if babyhood was all it is cracked up to be. Luckily she gave up the pacifier no problem!

Take me out to the ball game ...

Saturday evening we escaped casa de sicko and tried a Twins game. It was a birthday party for Lucy's friend, possible fiancee, and old care center room mate Bennett. She had made it through the entire day with no fever and no hives. The antibiotics seem to be working (they are also working a number on her digestive system, but one thing at a time right). I think Lucy had fun, mostly because she had a near unlimited supply of kettle corn (supplied by Bennett's grandma), and a few bites of cotton candy (she was sick i couldn't say no). The family in front of us seemed less then thrilled with little miss kick them in the back but other then that we made it to the 7th inning stretch before calling it a night.

And once again ...

Lucy is sick. OH it's bad this time. I am a little dramatic but I am also exhausted, stressed and worried. Lucy has had a fever for almost a week now. It started getting more pronounced on Tuesday. She is also breaking out in hives. Apparently, you can be allergic to a virus ... great ... she is sick, and is allergic to her sickness! Poor Lucy has been having her fever spike ever few hours. Something hurts her but she can't quite describe what it is ... she started some antibiotics today as her ear was starting to get red (took her in yesterday). Now, she is coughing a lot in her bed. I hope she can rest tonight. We both need it. She needs to get well. I had two days off this week (pre planned) and we had some fun plans to go out of the city and celebrate nature. Well ... basically we celebrated each time her fever went below 100. My mom watched Lucy for a bit this morning so I could visit Mel and Morgan ... that was a nice reprieve. Gotta go to bed now. The photo is from November 2005 when Lucy was 6 months old and just home. What a peanut.

Hello Hana!

Here is Hana. She is 6 years old and the newest member of the M-T family. Her sister Harper is 6 and her other sister Masresha is 3. Her momma went to Ethiopia to "fight the man" and she won!!! Hana came home sooner then expected but like I said in my last blog about her "it was the way it should be". Sounds like things will be changing in the future for the visa waiver process (thank you Sherry and other mommas". I can only say that from her photos she looks like a sparkling brilliant 6 year old girl! I can't wait to meet her and have another person to hang with with on our trips to the great northern get-away. Sherry, you're my hero.

Hello Morgan

We love you ... welcome home sweet pea!

That Stinking Melmo & Lucy gets into her art

She really loved the painting activity!



Lucy got her whole body involved in the Paint-A-Thon fund raiser for the Urban Arts Academy!



Melmo keeps eating Lucy's cereal. This time I caught him red handed (teee heee)

Since Lucy came home...

My job that was emotionally hard before has become nearly impossible. I am a social worker working with at risk families (home visits, case management etc). Having a child didn't exactly make it easier to understand why people do what they do to their kids, don't get me wrong, there have been many times where I have been exhausted, frustrated, "at my wits end" and during those times I get a glimpse into the "how it happens" but but but ... mostly I have lost my patience with the child abusers and child neglecters. Seriously I hurt so much more now thinking about these kids. I see how sensitive Lucy is, and how she is learning about the world through me and how I respond to her etc. This is definately a rambling post. It's Friday, it's been a long week, I want to curl up in a ball and try to push the feelings out of my whole soul. I can't wait to hug and kiss Lucy and to promise her that I will keep her safe and that I will do my best to make her world peaceful, loving, patient and gentle. To the little guys and girls who don't have this world, I love you ... I am trying.

CSI

We interrupt the purpose and focus of this blog to discuss CSI NY. Lucy's auntie Jen thought the finale was excellent.

I will try to relate CSI NY to my daughter Lucy:

C - is for how CUTE Lucy is
S - is for how SUPER SWEET she is
I - is for how INTELLIGENT she is

N - is for "NO and NEVER" her favorite words
Y - is for "yaaaarrrrr" her Pirate word

Trike

Lucy got a new trike for her birthday. It was a part of a super secret project her aunt Jen was working on. I was dying to peek in the shed but I did not. Jen was unhappy with the childish selection of toddler vehicles in today's marketplace. Her unhappiness led to research and finally the discovery of spray paint that adheres to plastic. The discovery led to the maniuplation of a childish trike into the ultra - cool South Minneapolis "trike to be seen in". I swiped this photo from Jen's blog.

On Mother's Day ... and her birthday time

While it's true that rarely a day passes when my thoughts don't wander to Ethiopia and to Lucy's birthfamily the thoughts and feelings are much more pronounced this time of year. Funny that I am experiencing "2nds" with Lucy now! Wow, around this time of year I think of her birth mom and wonder what she's feeling ... and I am pushing my thoughts as hard as I can, hoping that she catches some feeling in the atmosphere that Lucy is ok, no that Lucy is great. After my post awhile back regarding the feeling I get from Lucy sometimes that she is acting of feelings of past-trauma ... someone recommended a book called The Primal Wound (or something similar). I have been devouring that book in little bits and pieces. It's like I had a feeling and then someone wrote a book about it, only the book came first. I can only read about one chapter a day. It's emotionally hard to read. I am looking forward to the "how can I help" chapter (I hope there is one).

Well ... I myself plan on celebrating Mother's Day tomorrow and everyday. I LOVE being a mother, especially Lucy's mother! It's a magnificant gift having her in my life and as a single mom of a toddler ... she is the only gift I expect to get tomorrow.

Speaking of special mother's days ... I talked to Mel (who is in Ethiopia right now). She met Morgan on Saturday morning. She reports that he is beautiful, cute cute cute and teeny tiny.

Life with the boys ...

This post is dedicated to Isaac and Nathan. They are the brothers that Lucy might never have! The three of them are the best of friends and the worst of friends. What started out as a semi-love affair between Nathan and Lucy has turned into a pretty sour case of sibling rivalry. We (Lucy and I) are head over heels in love with these guys. These two know how to live life! They put 100% into everything they do and into every emotion they emote. Lucy usually sleeps well after an evening of keeping up with her friends. In the past two weeks Lucy has learned a powerful new word from the boys. Now that she is two years old, a simple negative "NO" is not enough ... now, like the boys, her "no" is almost always followed by "NEVER" (or rather "NEVAHHHHH" Thanks guys!

Good news all around!

Well ... had to share. As I type, Mel and her mom and brother are in the air, over the ocean heading toward baby Morgan. They'll be landing in the next 10ish hours, it'll be Saturday morning and they will meet Morgan!!!!! The other astonshingly surprising and most wonderful news EVER is that Sherry is bringing Hana home!!!! Her visa waiver was granted in record time. This is the way it SHOULD be. OHHH joy oh joy. In a little over a week Lucy will have two new friends. I can't wait. OH I wish I was in Ethiopia right now. Lucy and I have the blessing of a extra long weekend together. Childcare for today (Friday) and Monday fell through so we get time together. This morning was so nice and laid back. Can you believe I said laid back with a two year old, it's true. We had a longish trip to the grocery store with not one single frustrating episode, it's like Lucy turned 7 over night. After nap I suppose I should reward her with a trip to a park to let off some 2 year old energy.

i have adorable photos to post. Hopefully after bedtime tonight.

Lucy LOVES her cake

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Birthday Girl

Well Lucy turns two on Monday. Two. She's been practicing really hard and she'll be a great two year old. Lucy has mastered so much over the past year. Last year, on her birthday ... she crawled for the first "real" time. Three months later she was up and walking. These days she runs, climbs, and jumps. Her grasp of the spoken word is increasing daily. She still loves music. She can sing songs and dance like there's no tomorrow. The girl loves to dance. She makes up her own moves but also copies moves she sees. She still loves the cats but has recently started adoring Sassy. Our live together has settled a bit. We have had a good solid month of relatively good health. She is staying awake longer in the evenings so we have lots of play time and together time after work/daycare. Lucy loves her family and friends. When we turn a certain corner on the way to Isaac and Nathan's house she shouts "yah ... Isaac!." She's a fighter. I hope that her first line of defense (hitting and pinching) tapers off this year as she starts becoming more at one with her words. At least my girl is not a push-over. We spent our last night as a one-year old at the Global Market, dancing to some gospely type music. Lucy had the dance floor all to her self and was entertaining the crowd with her very cool moves. She also took her "breaks" by laying down on the middle of the dance floor. OH and during the song that was dedicated to her (I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way)... that's when Lucy decided to practice being two years old. I actually think it was during the refrain (Let the Children's laughter remind us how we used to be), that I took Lucy kicking and screaming off of the stage (she climbed up for the millionth time). It can't all be easy! The photos are from last year at this time and one from the other day.

sleeping

I really believe that trauma in infancy is recorded. I believe that Lucy was traumatized as an infant, and that the stress of her placement ... her time in the orphanage ... and the stress of transitioning to her new family in a new environment will be something that she carries in her body and brain for life. I don't think she'll be a "victim" of this ... I just believe that as she goes through ages and stages, her grief might come out in different ways then a child who has not experienced these challenges. She was sick as a baby in the orphanage, and sick once again as a baby just a few days after she came home with me ... sick a lot the first year and a half. I think her body was reacting normally in many ways to the germs etc BUT I also think the early stresses on her emotional self caused her physical self to have less of a "fight" left.... don't get me wrong, she's a STRONG resilient girl and she has a brilliant future ahead of her one in which she will use her power to fight all sorts of battles. I saw in her eyes in the moments coming out of surgery the same fear and confusion as I saw in her referral photos. It's a wonderful gift to know your child and to feel that her fears and reactions are mostly normal for her age but sometimes there is a twist that speaks to "working out" some past hurt. My friend S picked up this sense that Lucy has a "deeper self" then we know while looking at a photo of her from Ethiopia ... a wise baby. I believe that Lucy and S have a strong spiritual connection, for one obvious reason (that they share opposite ends of an adoption experience) but also for reasons that we don't fully know the why ... we just know the is ... I hope that Lucy has many many strong people in her life like S, to help her and guide her through her many life stages.

here are some sleeping photos of my sweet girl.

May!!!!!

My baby will turn two in one short week. Ack, where does the time go? You would think with all of the awake time she's had in the past few weeks that it would seem like the time would slow down. It's sad but true, time is relentless (unless you're WAITING for your baby, then it's slower then molasses in January). Soon I will have a very long 2nd year montage to post. We are loving the heck out of spring. We go outside every chance we get. The other day I looked at Lucy and said "I love you" and she said "a bushel and a peck". I know the song but have no clue what "a bushel and a peck" means ... if anyone knows please share.