Saturday, January 31, 2009
On a different note:
I am rereading There is No Me Without You ... and although I didn't think it could impact me any harder then it did the first time through, I was very wrong. I think I haven't been sleeping well thinking of the kids. I think I cried the first time but I don't think I sobbed. I don't think I felt that pain of Eskendir as he said goodbye to his son. Ugggghhh. Hard to describe in words. Maybe because I have this three year old now and I can't even begin to imagine her being alone in the world, grieving and fighting to survive at the same time ...Well I guess the difference now is that I can imagine it. The book was describing things that happened at the same time I was in Ethiopia getting Lucy, caught up in my own world of bonding and attachment, cherishing the gift of motherhood. I think I was still on that high the first time I read the book. My heart was still shielded. It's so much more open now. Not just to the tragedies described in the book but also the beauty and strength of Ethiopia. I feel more external now. It's time to start planning, scheming, dreaming a return.