Saturday, January 31, 2009

On a different note:

I am rereading There is No Me Without You ... and although I didn't think it could impact me any harder then it did the first time through, I was very wrong. I think I haven't been sleeping well thinking of the kids. I think I cried the first time but I don't think I sobbed. I don't think I felt that pain of Eskendir as he said goodbye to his son. Ugggghhh. Hard to describe in words. Maybe because I have this three year old now and I can't even begin to imagine her being alone in the world, grieving and fighting to survive at the same time ...Well I guess the difference now is that I can imagine it. The book was describing things that happened at the same time I was in Ethiopia getting Lucy, caught up in my own world of bonding and attachment, cherishing the gift of motherhood. I think I was still on that high the first time I read the book. My heart was still shielded. It's so much more open now. Not just to the tragedies described in the book but also the beauty and strength of Ethiopia. I feel more external now. It's time to start planning, scheming, dreaming a return.

4 comments:

Kerri said...

I wouldn't have thought of that. I can't wait to return but I know it will be a few years because Medina needs to really understand that we'd only go to visit, not to stay.

Nicole Anderson said...

Thank you for your insight. We brought our children back, when we adopted a third last year. I can't wait to go back again. I think I need to read that book again too.

Jill said...

I recently reread this too. I remember crying through it the first, silent tears streaming down my face but it seemed so distant and I figured that it would encompass such a small slice of Ethiopian culture. Now, after seeing the reality and knowing the love for a child...I sobbed my way through the book. At times I even put it down and would get Mari out of bed just to rock with her. It became so very real and video.

rebekah said...

There are children's faces in that book that stay with me. I hadn't thought to read it again, but it's a good idea. A great idea.