Growing pains ...

Lucy and I are in sleep training. Finally enough was enough with sleep issues and the way we were doing it wasn't working for me (and if it ain't working for momma it ain't working for no one). I didn't go into the training willy nilly. I had a date set to start (Sunday, because it left us with a week straight of being home at bedtime), I had a plan of action (modified Ferber style), and I talked it up to Lucy for several days. Sunday all hell broke Lucy. I couldn't do it. I tried. I read Lucy her books while she was lying in bed. I told her I loved her and that I would be working in the kitchen. I left, shut the door. My baby cried hysterically. I let her go for 5 painful minutes. I went back to her room. I patted her back and assured her that I was nearby. I left again for 10 excruciating minutes, I had the monitor pressed to my heart ... I stared at the clock. I went back to her room, patted her back and left. I sent messages to Mel. Jen tried to console me. Jen started breaking down. I was breaking down. I called my phone-a-friend (Deb) and begged her to tell me what to do. I didn't know anymore. I opted for reading a book on a chair in the hall. She couldn't see me but I was there. She fell asleep fast. She woke up at midnight and ended up in my room.

Once she fell asleep last night I consulted with the folks on the Ethiopian adoption forum through my agency. I was blown away by the support. Someone sent me a message of support and uttered words that could have been ripped right from my guilt ridden soul, and she shared her phone number in case I needed support. This was the strenght I needed. I know now that we won't be going back to rocking to sleep. Together we'll get through these growing pains and she'll get the sleep she needs and so will I.

Tonight we started with the chair in the hall but I also packed up her crib mattress so there's no joining me in my room tonight. I actually don't know if she's sleeping right now which is weird ... her door is still open and the hall light is still on. I don't know if the sleep training modifications are actually going to help her learn to fall asleep on her own or not but so far tonight has been pretty good, it's not even 9pm and I am already starting my blogging, cleaning etc. There has been none of the crying, screaming from last night. Wish us luck as we learn this new skill together!