Hello Strangers!

What can I say ... it's spring break, I turned 40 (40!) and have been too busy celebrating to blog.  That's all about to change.  I will post some photos and start organizing my next post which should come very very soon.

Lucy is great.  She sort of left school before spring break on a bad note but I am sure sure sure that she'll go into the last 3 months with a renewed attitude and an ability to take direction from adults (like her teacher).  I am sure.  I am sure.   Please please please!

Here is Lucy and Zep on her last day of school before spring break.  Obviously it's St Patrick's Day, which leads me to think that perhaps it was the naughty leprechauns that got her in trouble that afternoon.

In the above photo both Lucy and Zep were p-o'd that I made them stand for a photo. 

                          

but as you can see they totally kissed and made up for the madness.

 In a related development the kitties decided that so intense is their hatred for Zep the dog, that they actually like each other.

Our friend Ivy joined in on Lucy and Morgan's big spring break play date at a pool and an indoor playground!

You might not be able to tell from this photo but both girls were on a mini time-out for

committing mutiny on the adult-in-charge during our post swim snack. 

Lucy immediately ditched Ivy and climbed up to the roof (see her up there???)

we also went to the Mn History Center for the first time. What a hoot!  We love it!

Lucy is working the old-fashioned ice-cream parlour at the history center while momma watches the tv behind her rebroadcasting the attack on pearl harbor. 

I've been trying new recipes.  Lucy seemed to like the honey/soy noodles and the ginger/garlic flank steak combo.  Could have also been the result of my lack of interest in giving her a real breakfast or lunch this day, who knows.

we painted some miniture bird houses. Lucy was in her evening gown and high heels of course.



Spring break is basically over.  It was so much fun.  Loved this week of busy times and down times. It did us both a lot of good.

Dance Party!

Almost every night we have a dance party at our house.  Last night's was extra-special because Lucy got a pair of high heel shoes!  We put on our dancing shows and danced and danced and danced ....

attaching

you know how they say "the dance of attachment"  or "attachment is a process not necessarily a destination"??   After 5+ years I finally get it.  Yup. I get it. It was really easy, the attachment dance (for me) at the beginning.  I held her, I fed her, I changed her, I rocked her and she accepted it.  She couldn't run away, say nasty things, wipe off my kisses or give me nasty looks.  Ahhhh I thought, this is the life.  As she grew, I had tinges of fear (almost every day) that something maybe was wrong.  She never had much stranger anxiety, in fact she just LOVED strangers.  Occasionally she would ease my fears by clinging to me or crying for me but for the most part I had an independent young woman on my hands.  When she was three she entered the mom hating stage (she's advanced!).  Lord I thought I might not make it through that year.  At four I was just relieved that she wasn't three anymore.

At 5, duh, I realized that this whole time I have been looking to Lucy's behaviors as indicators of positive attachment signs.  UH, like any relationship it takes two to tango and  whammo I woke up.  Here's the thing, parenting, especially parenting kids with histories of trauma (like being removed from birth family, culture, cared for in an orphanage) is not for the wussy.  I was a wuss. I admit it.  Here she was, a young child looking to her mom for some direction on how to proceed with the relationship at hand and her "leader" was all like 'hey you're 2 years old, show me how to relate'.   

At least I didn't realize this when she was 15. 

So here we are 5 years later and I finally feel like I have a grip.  I love her the way I always should have, I love the whole her.  I don't spend my time searching her eyes for attachment issues, I spend my time relating to her and showing her how to relate.  I spend my time enjoying her.  I ache for her so much more because instead of seeing this kid who is rejecting me, defying me and manipulating me I see this young person who is anxious, who is immature and who needs acceptance and gentle guidance in navigating the world. 

A couple nights a week, we've been back in the rocking chair (her request) and she's been falling asleep in my arms.  What a gift.

I am attached to my daughter!

Hi!

sorry about the groggy-bloggy lately.  I have been so exhausted at night.  So exhausted.  Did I mention how tired I have been?   This has been the longest, coldest, darkest, snowiest, dang-awfulest winter ever, ever.  I am ready for spring.

Lucy still has a love affair with animals.  The way she can calm down and hold still whenever an animal (especially Azazel the cat) sits by her is amazing.  Makes me want to send the cat with lucy to school.

 Lucy helped ready our rally sign on a cold winter's day.

She then discovered that the rally sign makes a good wind break when it's 0 degrees and a bizzillion below zero with wind chill and we're out on the capital lawn.



One moment at the rally to support Wisconsin labor when Lucy wasn't crying from the cold.