Sunday, December 2, 2007

Loving the present ... wanting the future

disclaimer: I am feeling the effects of nighttime cough medicine.

I am so happy with what I have in my life. I have this beautiful daughter to raise. She is beautiful in every way and is a joy. I have a good job that is fulfilling, demanding, utilizes my degree and is flexible, allowing me to have lots of time with my daughter. I have supportive and loving family. I have lots of amazing friends. I have a home. I have my health. I have a lot.

I want more.

I can't help it. I want to adopt another child. I am afraid Ethiopia will close to singles before I can get it together financially. My wonderful job is hard on the pocketbook. I keep thinking ... once I pay off the credit card and the student loan ... I could afford the monthly increase for health and child care and the adoption expenses.

I think Lucy would be an awesome big sister (or even little sister).

I had to say it ...


Catherine said...

Praying that Lucy gets to be a big sis' sometime in the near future. Have you looked into Domestic African American adoption? There is a great need...
Good luck!
French lurker in Charlotte

She is... said...

You know I am feeling the same way sister friend :)

People suggest to me (even when I was in the process of adopting Makena) to consider adopting domestically. Oddly, I did prior to going internationally. After two horrible experiences with two reputable agencies that resulted in no placement, I found myself on my way to Ethiopia.

Obviously, there was a reason for that, as I guess I believe (more and more) is the case in most things.

I have learned, the hard way, is that because there is a "need" doesn't mean it is easy to fill. I experienced more judgment and discrimination as a single white woman trying to adopt a child in our very racist system than I ever care to experience again. It was heartbreaking and it took an incredible toll on my self esteem. I have an African American son and live in a diverse community and it still was a challenge!

Given your work, I know you are well aware of the needs but also the very tangled complicated system and society that we are a part of in America.

I know for me, a big part of my motivation to adopt again is for Makena to have someone to share her culture, unique heritge and experience of being adopted.

I know Lucy will make an incredible big sister and companion to any child.

Malia'sMama said...

Oh I am sooo there with you, Stacy. And have so many feelings swirling around inside this head and heart on the subject. Lucy will make a wonderful sister. I hope the proverbial ducks line up in just the right row!

April said...

I'm in a similar situation. I'm going through the homestudy process right now for my first adoption from Ethiopia. I'm racing to get on the waiting list before they shut the country to singles. So, I know your pain.

If you don't make it, you might want to try Liberia which I know is open to singles (although, the children are older). You might also consider a child of another race (Vietnam, Columbia, Russia, etc.). I know it would be great for Lucy to have a sister or brother from her birth country, but if you really just want to be a parent again, there are other options. I wish you the best of luck and just remember that God has a plan for all of us.

Mama Papaya said...

I want for you too Mama. Still hoping to win the lottery (without playing).

africamom said...

Oh, go for it! How exciting!

cathy said...

Stacy--I for one will tell you that you will be an amazing mom to another child. It is not WRONG to want another child. Lucy would be the best sister in the universe! I would bust my butt to fundraise for whatever is needed to fund your adoption. Miracles do happen. Do it. DO IT!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think there are many singles that can relate, I sure know a lot! I keep trying to focus on adoption one, but being an only child I am desperate my child won't be :0

I've thought a lot about adoption 2, if I was in the US I would probably try to adopt a sibling group, but that isn't possible in the UK or Canada. So, I was thinking about an older child adoption i.e. age 4-7, many from Ethipia have had very loving first families so less risk factors in attachment etc. There are several agencies that will either waive fees or reduce fees for older children adoptions or SN adoptions, some of these special needs are very correctable.
I have a good friend going through this right now, what she did at the council of her social worker is to put herself on an adoption budget for 9 months, they are going back to basics, cutting back on clothing, food, photographs, activities etc and then she is going to start.
Best wishes!

SisterMom said...

I feel you pain! I am in the middle of adopting two beautiful little girls from Ethiopia and am already thinking ahead to another adoption. I would love to bring home an older girl in the next few years. Lets all hope that Ethiopia continues to allow us singles to be great mommas to their little ones!